1. Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even when they're trying to speak. This would the great fun if you can keep going till they hang up.

2. If they clean rugs: "Are you sure you can get blood out? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood or chicken blood?"

3. If a guy calls, trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends . . . would you mind being my friend?"

4. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. Before they get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger.

5. Tell them you work for the same company they work for.

Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from 3M.com." You: "3M.com!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees!."

6. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers). If the person says, "Well, I don't really want to get a call at home," say, "Yeah! Now you know how I feel."