1. Britney Spears & Eminem

Who, combined, have written more books than they' 've read.

2. Dr. Phil Mcgraw

Who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most high-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues.

3. America''s Oil Companies

For a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water don'’t mix.

4. Yasser Arafat & Ariel Sharon

For those 2 consecutive days last March when no Israelis or Palestinians killed each other.

5. Bill Gates

For creating the X-Box and convincing Americans that their children need a $200 video game system during a recession.

6. The Editors of Maxim

For managing to create 300 magazine pages a month using no other subjects besides beer and models.

7. Jared

Of the Subway Sandwich fame, whose claim of losing hundreds of pounds and achieving optimum health by eating nothing but oversized, greasy heroes was questioned by no one.

8. Jennifer Lopez

Who, in conjunction with DuPont, developed a synthetic fabric capable of containing her ass.

9. That 300 Pound Guy

Who always manages to jam himself into the coach seat right next to yours on coast to coast flights.

10. Glaxo

Who has managed to make "loose stools" a side effect of every one of the drugs it produces.